Oh my goodness it’s early

I’m not a farmer. I don’t aspire to be a farmer. I don’t enjoy the hours they keep. That whole “getting up with the chickens” isn’t a life I want to get involved in. So, it is with great disappointment I am awake before dawn.

My alarm went off but it was unnecessary because I never really went to sleep. I have a dysfunction. I KNOW I have issue rising early so I can’t sleep the night before I have to awaken early. This behavior stems from oversleeping for an early shift once. ONE TIME and I was so traumatized I never could sleep again before an early morning. If I had the misfortune to be on call for a shift I couldn’t sleep for fear I’d sleep through the call to come in.

I sent my friend a text “I hate everything“, which is my loving and kind way of telling her I’m en route. My dog barked at the alarm. I opened his crate to try to get him to go outside. He went but barked at a squirrel and came back to lie down. He keeps looking at me worried. I think he’s afraid I’ll make him leave with me. He looks out the front door when I leave, making sure it’s dark out that door as well as the back door he just came in.

yes, it’s still dark out this door as well. Yes, I’ve lost my mind. Go back to bed. You’ll never understand you poor mutt. We drive in the darkness to the hospital. I really don’t like doctors. why do they make people come in for tests before dawn? If you live two hours from the facility why make you come in earlier? Nonsense. Those are the people who should come in at 10 or 11. Now, I sit outside the hospital hearing another visitor curse loudly while smoking her cigarette.

You know those will kill you right? We’re outside the place that is built on their ashes.

I need a nap. I’m freezing. I’m hungry and I’m exhausted. This is going to be a long day.